Counting the days that pass me by.

As i start to close my eyes, i see nothing but blurry images of myself. I find that i have somehow gotten myself stuck in here, somewhere i really don't belong. As i take a second to catch my breath, i hear voices all around me, moving from one direction to the next, kinda like the buzzing sound of an annoying mosquito. When i turn to see where it's coming from, i see nothing, better yet, I SEE NO ONE.. Is this is a dream? I can't be asking myself this question if it really was a dream i was in, now can i? But then again, there is such a thing as "a dream in a dream".. Either way, this is a very uncomfortable situation i am in. I fell lost, blue, down and most of all, worn out.. The words i'm hearing are starting to get old, and all i need is an answer. I can't remember how i end up here.

(Death, you don't plan it)

Before u know it, the clock strikes 8PM, there i am, wide awake to the sound of my handphone alarm going "Kringgg".. As i turn to press the stop button on it, i realize Nokia has zapped me back into reality. Was it a dream i was in? It sure as hell didnt feel like one, a NIGHTMARE's more like it.

Man i'm really stressed here, college life is fun.. But u have ur bad days, annoying people around u, the shit loads of assignment trailing u like a ghost whose yearning for revenge, "fakes" all around me, exams around the corner.. Well practically everything. I dunno why, but it always feels like when one bad thing comes ur way, a whole OTHER BUNCH of shit comes chasing you too.

I wish i could pause this life and change the path of some things, of how events are gonna turn out so that i dont have to suffer this crisis every now and then. Coz right now, it feels like i'm just standing in the middle of the street where all my problems are passing me like speeding cars and at the same time, the cars slows down in a matrix kinda way to make u realize what they are, and then speeds up again. Why am i feeling this way? I wish i knew.. I seriously do.

So what am i doing about it? Theres nothing i can do.. Maybe i need a break. Maybe i miss home. Well maybe's not a speculation anymore, I DO MISS HOME. i can't wait to go back.. Home's the only place i feel secure, it offers me this sense of BELONGING. People say time flies, yes it happens sometimes, but now, when ur really anticipating something, like me, anticipating the day i'll be back home, TIME slows down in such a way that a single minute feels like an hour and days feel like months.. Man everything's so undefined. When can i truly find happiness in life? I'm starting to doubt the existence of it..

There's obviously nothing else i can do.. All i can do is to wait for the days to pass till i get home and maybe gain a lil bit' of my old-self back again, even if its for a split second, because to change this shitty feeling i'm in, I'D DO ANYTHING. For now, i just hope i can stay alive.. Hopefully i won't die before i get to see the better side of life.. Emotional much? Nah, i think life is EMOTIONAL, being so complicated and twisted.